Honey, we broke the Democrats

By Ben Crystal

Honey, we broke the Democrats 

Welp, it looks like we broke the Democrats. I assumed they wouldn't handle the confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh well; after all, they haven't handled anything well since Nana Hilldawg's campaign turned in to a Buster Keaton routine. But their spectacular failure to keep Kavanaugh off the Supreme Court has them a pair of rocket-powered roller skates away from going full Wile E. Coyote. And if their plan for lurching farther left in the future is anything to go by, they're already thumbing through the ACME catalog.

After weeks of accusing Kavanaugh of everything short of the rape of the Sabine women, our liberal friends have resorted to ploys like sending beheading videos to Senator Cory Gardner's (R-CO) wife. And don't think whichever unhinged lefty who sent it along is some kind of outlier. We've already watched as Democrat-incited wingnuts have done everything from doxing conservatives' kids to opening fire at baseball practice. And we've already heard their leaders, from Rep. Maxine Waters to Nana herself, using the most dehumanizing language possible to openly encourage violent reprisals against anyone who strays too far to starboard.

But Kavanaugh booked their tickets to Crazytown. Their theatrics over the past weeks have been cringe worthy. And to be honest, given their close association with Hollywood, there's just no excuse other than a complete and total mental breakdown. For the love of all that is holy, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D- Beijing) planted Alyssa Milano behind Kavanaugh during his second appearance. These people hold fundraising dinners at the Malibu palaces of studio heads with more money than Croesus, and the best the woman — whose own ham-fisted attempt at subterfuge created this debacle in the first place — can come up with is a cameo by Sam from Who's the Boss?

We're a month away from the latest midterm election to be called "the biggest election of our lifetime," and the left has come up with "shriek like banshees while cut-rate comediennes control our messaging." That's terrific, as long as your goal is to dominate the "shrieking banshees who take cut-rate comediennes seriously" voting bloc. But that shrieking is a big part of why Senator Susan Collins (R-ME) told the left to get bent over Kavanaugh. If a milquetoast Republican like Collins was fed up enough with the threats and insults, imagine how the 70 million or so Americans to Collins' right must be enjoying them. And if a milquetoast Republican like Collins standing up to Amy Schumer and a bunch of hate group sheep dressed like extras from a Hulu miniseries can put one guy on the Supreme Court, imagine what those 70 million Americans can — will — do.

Before the summer began, most pundits figured the Left would swing Congress back to port; a combination of the usual midterm blahs that always affect the party in the White House and overconfidence in the effectiveness of the liberals' outraged bleating. Even as the bleating turned to beatings and Democrat control of the Senate began to fade from "daydream" to "fever dream" they actually ramped up the crazy, as evidenced by The New York Times' editorial over the weekend, "White Women, Come Get Your People." The paper of record, likely the most respected of the liberal mouthpieces, called Senator Collins a "gender traitor," and proclaimed white women "...the kind of women who think that being falsely accused of rape is almost as bad as being raped." I don't even know any men who think that.

I was already dubious about their prospects of retaking the House, much less the Senate, especially if they're going to stick with hurling histrionic epithets at everyone who thinks Americans can do better than a hissy-fit of a political party led by the chick from Trainwreck. These people are cracked eggs. Forget the House; they need a hospital.